Who do I want to be right now? 

2025 was the year I turned to therapy and questioned how I approach our fractured world.

While in my early 20s, I talked to a therapist to learn coping skills for depression and anxiety in the midst of a pandemic and unexpected career path. 

At 27, I sought therapy because I was angry. I was angry that I felt villainized in nearly any professional or semi-professional space. I could be kind and be dismissed. I could be direct and be called rude. If I decided to keep my expertise or opinion to myself, I felt like I turned my back on those who are marginalized or unrepresented. If I spoke up and shared my thoughts, I felt as if I would forever be ostracized. This constant push and pull led me to believe that I could never be “good” enough. No matter what option I selected, it was wrong. No matter what I did, I regretted it. 

Here is a brief anecdote. This was my experience, and I acknowledge that every detail may not be exact. In early 2025, I interrupted someone in a group setting as they spoke about the challenge of living as a white, Christian male in the United States. He felt that his voice was not heard in our society. I don’t think someone could have designed a better way to infuriate me if they purposefully tried. My interruption was questioning if he really felt that this was true in our community. I would describe my tone as angry but genuinely confused. I was then told by another member of the group that I was being rude and that his experience was valid. Like any professional adult, I burst into tears. 

Why? I have spent the rest of the year reflecting on this moment to find out. 

What did I do wrong? Was he wrong? Was the person who told me I was rude wrong? Should I not speak up when something is inaccurate? Should I validate other people’s experiences, even if they do not compute with what I know to be true? Why didn’t anyone else in that group seem concerned with what he said? Why did no one else push back? Question after question after question swirled in my head and made me feel crazy. 

Therapy – specifically the Internal Family Systems modality- has been a life changing tool to reflect on this moment and these questions. I have learned that a part of me (who I call the “Advocate”) tells me that if I don’t speak up to advocate for the marginalized or unrepresented, I am a bad person. The “Advocate” is impulsive and fiery. Shocker! These qualities are not conducive to difficult group conversations. My therapist has helped me understand why this part exists and how I can consult it while not allowing it to control me. Through discovering and learning about this and other parts, my therapist helps me learn how to live a satisfying, productive life without sacrificing my deeply-held values. 

However, a therapist alone cannot teach me how I want to approach this current moment. Our country, our communities, our world…they are all fractured. Deeply fractured. As an individual, I am both blessed and cursed by the power to decide how I want to show up. 

Who do I want to be right now? 

There are so many moments this year where I have contemplated this question. Do I want to be the most researched and knowledgeable about a current topic? Do I want to be the best at debate? Do I want to be the one who you don’t want to disagree with because I will win? Do I want to be the most compassionate and understanding person in the room? Do I want to be the kindest, best listener? Do I want to be the best at compromising? 

I am still learning and developing my ideas, but the closest I have to come to an answer is that I want to build a world where every person belongs.

I know I have made mistakes this year. I have spoken or acted in ways that did not foster belonging because I was aiming to convince others. I wanted to convince them that an opinion was bigoted. I wanted to convince them that a policy was detrimental. I wanted to convince them that they were wrong. It’s not that I now believe they were right. However, I have the power to choose how I approach people who think differently than me. The “convince them” approach did not work. I doubt I convinced a single person to change their mind, all while driving myself into depression. I need a new approach. 

2026 will be the year I focus on how to foster belonging.

I’ll write about that soon to hold myself accountable. 

Thanks for reading, 

Sarah